i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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