i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
