she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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