Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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