What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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