Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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