she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
