Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
