apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
