Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
