Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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