The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
this hospital has no fireball
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
