omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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