And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
