did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
