At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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