I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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