I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I can't turn off my feet"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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