You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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