everyone is single if you try hard enough
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
