I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
