around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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