The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You have to summon your inner elephant
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
