Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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