i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
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