I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
