Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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