This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
