I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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