just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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