no, he came in my armpit
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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