you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
it was like eating out sand paper
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
