ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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