I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
