PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
