There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
