3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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