My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just pee around me
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
