she smelled like a LAN party
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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