I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
