I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
