i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The adults are the big ones right?
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