dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
