my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Boobs speak an international language.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
