So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
