hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
