you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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