I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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