You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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