Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
