I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
