Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
